Every time I’ve been wiping my ass lately, I’ve been getting shit on my hand. I was about to wipe it off, and then it fell off my hand. I got some of it in a different spot off, but there’s some unaccounted for. I don’t wear glasses in the bathroom, so I can’t see where it landed. Could have landed on me, on my clothes, on the toilet seat, or even in the toilet. I’ll never know. Might be tracking it all over my apartment.

Whoever invented toilet paper is nasty. I’d be using water if it wasn’t for them.

Maybe it’ll end up on my chair. If it landed on the back of my pants.

Either I forgot how to wipe my ass, or more likely it’s leaving one nasty mess. That’s why shitting before a shower is better, if it landed on you, it’ll get washed off in the shower. You’ll be changing your clothes, so you won’t be tracking it everywhere, if it landed on your clothes.

Will the pizza person care if I have shit somewhere on me possibly? You probably can’t see it.

Might need to take another dump soon. Probably diarrhea the next time. First you got to get the solids out. Not much came out this morning. I don’t need to order the pizza yet. Not getting a specialty pizza this time. They have sandwiches as well, if I get one I could eat it tomorrow. But I’m cheap.

No diarrhea.

Probably should have got a specialty pizza. It was still around $20, there’s a around $3 delivery fee. Or should have got a sandwich for tomorrow’s lunch, except I might have pizza left.